I usually use birthdays and holidays like Christmas to become a little more introspective. You know, quiet the soul and listen to what the future has in store, etc, etc. But this year is different.
First, I swear that within 24 hours of turning 29, new wrinkles appeared on my forehead. No joke. Running both horizontally AND vertically! Both directions, people! Is there no mercy? My forehead looks like a freakin' checker board. I suppose it doesn't help that a work acquaintance guessed my age to be 5 years older than I actually am and her response to my shocked face was, "I was just guessing based on the wrinkles on your forehead." Nice. Good luck getting a Christmas card from me, pal. Basically, I've never felt my age like I am right this second.
Second, to be honest, I haven't really had the time to be introspective. It's 11:00pm right now and I'm trying to get introspective and in touch with my soul? This is too late an hour for an activity like this, especially for an old woman like me. But I think if I did have the time, I would ponder how much I've been able to accomplish in my 29 years of existance...you know, inflate my ego a little. But truthfullly, I would probably find myself a little more grateful for my husband and a little more grateful for my precious little toddler of a boy. And a little more grateful for the things that God has done in my life this year. I would think about all of these things in detail and really let my mind wander over them, seeing the backside of God's handy tapestry that is my life - if only for a moment. And it would be good.
Third. I wish I had the time. I'd use this time of reflection and quiet to think about where I want to go this year, what I want to accomplish, and realistically, what God would have me do. The first thing that comes to mind is that I need to slow down, be patient, and be present. Yikes. Those are doozies if I've ever heard. Slowing down is hard for me. I run on momentum and adreneline. I can't help it. I'm a performer and a perfectionist. Momentum is often my friend. And good grief! To be patient?! I mean, I work with high school students all day so you'd think my patience tank would be a little bigger than it actually is. So not true. Most of the time, I get impatient with the people that I love the most - my husband, my child, my family. Doesn't that just suck? It's definitely something that needs work. I really hate praying for patience because it changes my life in the MOST uncomfortable ways.
To be present. Also a tough one. How many times do I wish I could put my iphone down or stop thinking about work when I'm pushing my son on the swing at a park? Or worse...thinking about work at 3am? I mean, come on...that's valuable sleeping time. I think what this year needs is a good deal of peace. My life feels chaotic most of the time, and I can't seem to control the vehicle as it careens towards death - or worse, failure. Peace. Patience. Presence. Maybe that will be my new mantra of the year.
Peace, patience, and presence to you, my friends! I hope you all find a moment of introspection, regardless of how brief it may be.
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