A Thrill of Hope - the Weary World Rejoices

This year is my son's first Christmas. This year is also a last Christmas for many. In light of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, Christmas is feeling a little dismal this year. For where is the light in all this darkness? Where is the hope and joy in all of this gloom. The anticipation that usually comes with this shiny season is tainted with the bitterness of loss.

I can't help but think of the presents for your little ones that will go unopened this year. Presents that were undoubtedly picked out with love and care and wrapped in boxes with ribbons. The anticipation of watching your baby's face as the wrapping was torn off will go unknown for this year.

I don't really have any words for the families who lost so much this year. I just have this gnawing ache in the very core of my being that stings with fear and trembling and sorrow. My heart goes out to you, dear ones. That's really all I can manage. It's not much, but the ache steals so many things that could be said.



For those of us who get to celebrate with our children this year, whether it be our first Christmas together or our 98th, let's just hold one another. Let's just lean into the tension together so we can heal together.

A friend of mine said it well. He is a very smart friend. And he remains hopeful.

Whether the problem at hand is guns, mental illness, school security, media coverage or our 'culture of violence', I'm going to say what may be an unpopular thing:

There is not a world in which atrocities don't happen. To imagine that any civilization or society is more advanced than its least desirable members is to blindly deny that evil exists, that you can't outlaw it, and that our humanity is broken and messy. You can take away all the weapons, try to lock up all the crazies, shut down the news media and have schools behind razor wire: nothing we do can prevent the unthinkable from happening. We cannot protect our children any more than we can predict car accidents or tornadoes.

This may sound heartless - but in fact I believe there is great liberty in it. If the world weren't dangerous, where would be the risk (and reward) in getting out of bed every morning? If we are motivated by fear of the unknown (always a running away from something) , instead of radical love in the face of impending (and inevitable) destruction (running towards something GREATER than the thing we fear), we will never achieve greatness, never transcend our weakest members, never teach our children that life is big, and in order to live we must put our fears to death.

I mourn for the deaths at Sandy Hook, even the death of the killer. I am all for searching conversation about how to prevent whatever ills we are able. But we must acknowledge that evil exists, laws are only a society's best guess at what works to ameliorate it, and I would rather have the freedom to live or die in a broken world, in an effort to love well and triumph, than live in perpetual fear of things I can't possibly predict or prevent.

And I will teach my children the same, so that they may grow up to be fearless and desperately loving in spite of all our brokenness.

I hope that this season, we can learn to love well. It's what Jesus did - loving well in the midst of fear and darkness. God saw us and in our pain and suffering, He saw something worth loving.


O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.


Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.


Much love this Christmas,
Me

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

As musicians, Husband and I are used to being super busy this time of year. We hold our breath and wish each other luck and know that we'll see each other on the other side...in January. But I've never had a year so jam packed. Enter Baby. Yeah, that seems like a good idea - let's throw a baby into that madness and see what happens! Oh wow! They go crazy!

Anyway, as I look at my calendar this year, I begin to panic. But these fitting words came to mind:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

I've been reminded by the Holy Spirit that this season is not about getting to all the gigs on time or having all my Christmas cards out or shopping done...or heck, even dinner on the table. It's about not letting it all get in the way of remembering that we were found when we were lost. We were saved when we had no hope. "Let nothing you dismay...O tidings of comfort and joy!"

Whatever you face this season, let's remember that we now have hope, comfort, and joy in Christ, Who came in the form of a human baby to rescue us from darkness. What comfort! What joy!

The Wonderful and Terrible of Fancy Pants Holidays

The holiday season is here! Blogs and magazines are teaming with posts and articles and pictures of delightful table settings and centerpieces. Now, I'd like to pretend that I'm crafty and that I am perfectly capable of putting together a fancy pants centerpiece or fancy pants name cards on beautiful place settings. Perfectly capable. But let's get real. I'm so NOT that person. Better Homes and Garden can tell me as many simple ways to throw together that perfect holiday dinner, but I can guarantee two things: 1) The Better Homes Magazine picture will always look/taste/be better than mine and 2) I will feel like my skills as a woman are completely insufficient. Hold that thought.


Target, Costco, Sears, and every other major retailer boasts lights, easy-to-assemble fake trees, sales on potential presents, and so much more. It's here. Both the delight and horror of the season puts even the calmest shopper in somewhat of a panic. Panic that we'll forget a present for a relative. Panic that there won't be enough food at our gatherings. Panic that there won't be enough money in the bank for this season. Panic that there just won't be enough.

That's an interesting thought, isn't it? That in the land of plenty, there won't be enough?

The terrible part of this season is that so many of us lose sight of what "Enough" really is and what it really looks like. Every ad we see and hear promises that their product will offer us more, will satisfy our desire to have and be enough. Friends, the ads lie. I've shopped enough at Target and Home Goods to know this. Truth. (Husband is a witness.)

The wonderful part of the season though, is that we don't have to believe the lies. We have enough. We ARE enough. When God sees us, He doesn't see our shortcomings like we see them. He sees Christ. He sees our More-Than-Enough that covers every insecurity and every insufficient attempt on our part. That More-Than-Enough not only covers every flaw, but He heals every wound. The toughest part is to believe that's true. We are made worthy of God's love by God Himself.

To open ourselves up to this mysterious love and grace is to become fully alive in Him, accepting His plan for our lives. In doing so, we find what we were truly made for. We find freedom to live joyfully, freedom to love wholly, and freedom to come before the King of all like His children that we are.

This Thanksgiving, friends, let's celebrate the Enough in our lives.

Love to all,
Me

Praise to the Lord,
the Almighty, the King of creation.
O my soul, praise him,
for he is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear,
now to his temple draw near;
join me in glad adoration!


Praise to the Lord,
who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
surely his goodness
and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew
what the Almighty can do,
who with his love doth befriend thee.


Praise to the Lord!
O let all that is in me adore him!
All that hath life and breath,
come now with praises before him!
Let the amen sound from his people again;
gladly forever adore him.

Red Cup Celebration and the Most Dreaded Chore Ever

I realize that I've been a little raw lately. Things have been difficult, but they're getting better. There are elements of my life that I probably shouldn't post on the internet, but I think it's good. Sometimes it's good to be open, honest, and raw. It opens lines of communication. I think that we hide behind the "I'm perfect" image too often and don't allow others to truly see what we're feeling and who we are. So I've taken a little break from posting here because, quite frankly, I couldn't find the peace and quiet that this blog was dedicated to. But here I am again, and things are looking up!

In light of my recent hiatus in the blogging world, I thought that I would post on two things today.

Red Cups.
I could not be more excited about this season! It's going to be my son's first Thanksgiving and first Christmas, followed by his first birthday! I've imagined this season in the past, and it all seemed so distant. But alas! Today, I discovered that Starbucks has finally brought out their famous "Red Cups", which, to most coffee-addicted Americans, means the holiday season is nearly upon us!

Do you know what this also means, friends?! Yes, it means Caramel Brulee lattes are back!! It is a blessed day indeed.


The Most Dreaded Chore. Ever.
Things have been a little chaotic in the Walker home, which can only mean that chores around the house go neglected. We have a system. It's called "Function". My husband and I are both musicians and one of our busiest times of the year is over the holidays when community events or churches ask us to step in and perform or do tech for a show or direct a show or, or, or. The list goes on. We love what we do, but I'll speak for both of us when I say that anybody who plans on visiting us should stay far and clear from things like the fridge. You never know what might crawl out and attack you.

So today, I finally got around to emptying part of the fridge. Yes, I said "part". I don't empty the fridge. That's Dear Husband's line of work usually. But today I thought I would help. (Sidebar: Usually when I think I'm helping, it turns out to be a bigger mess for Dear Husband...But I think I did well today.) Anyway, emptying the fridge is quite possibly the grossest chore there is.

Three things run through my mind every time I attempt the dreaded chore:

1. Who stuck this throw-up back in here?!

2. Is this tupperware really worth opening or can I just throw it away?

3. Will raccoons and rats pass this one up...?

And then I usually stick the super gross things back into the fridge, but close to the front so as to make it easier for Dear Husband to see. It's easier than making tags for each container so he can identify what goes in the trash and what was just a cooking experiment gone bad from last night.

I try to help. I think he appreciates it. On the inside.

But every time the fridge is emptied, it reminds me that new beginnings are just around the corner. Literally, I have to go to the grocery store around the corner and start again. But in the higher and happier thinking world, it reminds me that new beginnings are close at hand. As we continue into the holiday season, let's remember that this is the time to reflect on new beginnings, for they're just right around the corner! A new year is approaching and we can live with the hope that tomorrow holds new mysteries and mercies.

On that note, everybody enjoy the season of red cups and the hope of new beginnings!
Love to all!

To the Lazy Jackwagon

To the Jackwagon in the back of the classroom:

When you're given an assignment in class, you need to get out the necessary materials to complete said assignment, in this case, your textbook, a piece of paper, and a pencil. When you tell me that the reason you have not yet completed the assignment is because you don't have your book or a piece of paper, I make a mental note that you have come to class unprepared. I will also tell you to "solve that problem". This usually means that you should ask to share somebody's book with them and perhaps borrow a piece of paper to complete the assignment. When you continue to sit there like a bump on a log, making up excuses as to why you cannot do the assignment, I guarantee that I will roll my eyes and start to look for ways to "reward" your laziness by docking points from your grade every chance that I get. Furthermore, your demonstrated behavior and lack of initiative that I have seen in this class so far have me convinced that the future generation will most certainly die out; and that my job to prepare you to solve the world's biggest problems - like finding a cure for cancer, preserving the environment, and finding innovative ways to keep the human race alive - is all for naught.

So in conclusion, dear student, spare us poor teachers the pain and hurry up and get your act together before we need to release you into the wild. For in the wild, you do not get friendly reminders to be productive during the day, to stay on task, or to take charge of your own learning. In other words, do you know what bosses do to employees who sit around doing nothing? THEY FIRE THEM!

Sincerely,
Your Teacher

Why does Monday feel like Friday?

It feels like I've been through a week just today. Sadly, when I noticed that my husband was watching a football game, I actually used valuable brain cells to recall whether it was a Thursday night game or a Monday night game. Monday. Bummer. It means I have a whole 'nother Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to go through.

I'm usually a pretty chipper person, but I'll be honest, even us chipper people get tired every once in a while! I think my issue is that we're sorely lacking in the sleep department in our house. My nine-month old son has been having difficulty sleeping. We think it might be a combination of the cooler whether rolling in causing his room to get cold at night plus teething (which explains the gobs of drool every minute of every hour of every day). It just occurred to me that he might have reached the age where he needs a night light too...

(Dramatic Pause for Google search)


I think I'll try and plug in his night light tonight and see if he stops waking up 4 times every night like he has been the past few nights. I can't go back to that newborn phase of no sleep. It would be horrible to go back to THAT place.


I sure hope this week takes a nice little turn for the better. I could certainly use some reprieve. I wish it was Friday - then there would be hope for a date night or something. Gosh, it's been a while since my husband and I had a date. Like a real date. One that didn't feel rushed because the babysitters/parents had other plans. One where we could actually talk about our relationship and where we're at rather than showing each other pictures of our super cute kid. One where we could hold hands while walking leisurely somewhere. Anywhere really. One that didn't involve us hashing out what had gone wrong during the week. One where we could come away refreshed and reminded of why we chose to spend the rest of our lives together - for better or for worse.

I really need it to be Friday.

I hope I'm not bringing anybody down. Sometimes we have days like this, where things seem a little dim. Fridays bring hope...We could all use a little bit of that!


God made Friday's so we could have hope throughout the week. I'm convinced.

Here's to Hope and Fridays!

The Solution to my dirty floors

You know what I've decided I need? A Swiffer. Yes. It occurred to me that if I got a Swiffer, my floors would get cleaned - Magically. If you're going to tell me that I've bought into the lie that comes so easily with consumerism, then you're right!

I'm convinced: My future Swiffer will solve all my problems.

Side note: Notice the Cheerios scattered on the floors in this picture. I thought it was the perfect picture to represent my own floors. But mine are dirtier. That's why I need this little beauty!

I Come to the Garden Alone

Two thoughts to leave here in this garden today. Hopefully, by leaving both here, I'll find my peace and quiet that my soul so desperately needs.

First, Workaholism. I am a workaholic. I struggle with workaholism every day, almost every moment of every day. And why, you ask? Well, I ask myself the same thing. I'm a list person so at work it's really easy to just make a to do list and keep my head down to get things done as quickly as possible, hoping that the list will end one day and I can go home and live happily ever after. The truth is that the list will never end, so long as we breathe this air anyway. I've come to believe that the root of workaholism is a form of idolatry. For what is idolatry but becoming a slave to something other than God? I've become a slave to work - to that lengthy To Do List that accomplishes such trivial things rather than serving the God who created all that we see, hear, smell, taste, sense, and think. And then I look at my To Do List, which has turned into a small and pathetic excuse for a "god", and I wonder, Where did I go wrong?

I guess that's what happens when you "keep your head down and hustle" (a quote from a great movie monologue in the Rom Com Last Holiday from Queen Latifah). I've forgotten to look up. I've forgotten to see, hear, smell, taste, sense, and think about the Above. Like a compass that needs to be fixed to point due north again, I find myself needing a bit of an adjustment.


Thought numero dos:

Hymns. Yes, good ol' fashioned hymns. We don't sing enough of them these days. They use big fancy words like transgressions and atonement and transcendence.

But maybe those big fancy words push us to think about the God we serve and how big and fancy He is. I dunno. I kinda wish we got out of our little praise choruses for a moment and sing something that has some weight to it. Sing something that makes us a little afraid. I'm not talking scary fear. But if we sang something that was so weighty and thought-provoking that we'd fear if it were right about God, we'd have to make some real changes as to how we talked to Him or spoke about Him...well, it might make us think a little higher of God. And isn't that what worship is supposed to do? Elevate our thoughts about God so that we stop ourselves from thinking that WE are God?

Let's pause here. And let this stew for a while. What songs do this? And why aren't we singing more of them? Do the fancy words scare us away? Or perhaps it's the thought of something that we sing that could actually change the way we respond to God...and I guess, others too?

Anyway, that's all I've got.

Sometimes when we're quiet enough to think about BIG things, we come away with more questions than answers. Maybe that's how it's supposed to be. Life is full of questions, but maybe these kinds of thoughts remind us that we have to be still long enough so we can ask the right questions.


I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses.


And He walks with me, and He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there,
None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing.



I’d stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling.

This is my first attempt at a blog. Yes, in the age of Mommy Blogs, where it seems like every mom has one, I might very well be the last one to jump in this train. But I needed a spot to process my thoughts and honestly, I needed a place in this world to find some peace and quiet. Initially, I thought this blog might help me find my own peace of mind. But then I realized that my mind is full of crazy. My life is full of crazy. No, I needed somewhere to find God's peace. So my hope is that this small little garden of cyberspace can help me quiet my heart enough to find God's peace. In a world full of noise, may this space provide the peace my heart needs to grow in God's grace.

Well, it looks like that's all the time I'm going to get right now. All the quiet I'm going to get anyway. I just saw my son attempt to stick his finger in the electric keyboard headphone socket. He's now headed for my stash of plastic bags. But more on child safety in our home later...