Equality, Easter, and the Truth

All of the recent Internet chatter regarding the Equality in Marriage bill has got me thinking. I've been thinking of all of the hurt behind the mud-slinging between right-wing crazies and left-wing crazies. I've been wondering where I fit in in all of this. And then it dawned on me...what if that's not really the right question? What if we've blown this whole equality thing completely out of proportion and we're missing the point? So I'd like to provide some thoughts on Equality, Easter, and what's really going on.

First, I'd like to say that sexuality has taken over. It's taken over everything: everything we see, smell, taste, hear. Everything. Have we forgotten that human sexuality isn't everything? I don't know about you, but I don't want the first thing somebody says about me to be, "a heterosexual female". I am so much more than that. There is so much more to the human spirit and being than our sexual orientation. And I think we limit ourselves and make ourselves shallow for thinking that our sexuality is all that we are. Yes, it's a portion of who I am, but it certainly isn't all that I am. We are so much more. It's like choosing to focus on one particular color in a prism of light. We are more than that. And we miss the beauty of each individual if we focus only on one color.

Equality.
In today's society, we are told that we are all equal. That is so true. We ARE all equal - more than we know! And we are all equally messed up. At the very fundamental core of who we are, we are flawed. We are all like little kids who have been born in a sewer and held hostage by a horrible abuser. And we're sitting in, living in, breathing in poop. Really gross, smelly, messy poop. There's no way to clean ourselves off, we're just stuck in the stench and nastiness. And we're all stuck in our own poop together. Now, we would be fools if we sat in the poop debating what color it was or calling the poop that others are sitting in smellier than our own. We would also be fools to pretend that one of us was cleaner than the other because, here's the deal, folks: We're all sitting in shit.

What might perhaps be wiser is to seek the Solution. A Rescuer. Somebody who could clean us up and help us to learn not to return to the sewer. And that's where Easter comes in.


Easter.
The odd part about the whole Equality in Marriage bill is really the timing of it all. It's such a huge distraction that keeps us from seeking the Solution, particularly during this time of year. Instead, it keeps us fighting with one another and throwing poop at each other. We're all wasting time doing so and we're not getting any cleaner, prettier, or better smelling. If we could just realize that the Rescuer came, conquered the horrible abuser that has kept us locked in a sewer, and is providing a way to remove all of the stench. The Rescuer is standing at the doorway of the sewer inviting us to take his hand and his help to get out of the mess, but we're too busy arguing with each other about who is smellier and what color the poop is that we're sitting in. He's come. He's risen from the pit that we're in, defeated the abuser, and is now inviting us to follow him and be cleansed. In other words, we've been given a way to a new life, one that we've never known before. It's clean, it's fresh, and it's ours for the asking. The best part about Easter is that all of the work has been done. We don't have to fight the abuser ourselves, it's already been done. All we have to do is take the Rescuer's hand and be led to new life.

That's what Easter is all about, Charlie Brown.

It's difficult because we've never known this new life. All we've known is the sewer. It takes a while for the stench to wear off. In fact, we all still get poopy from time to time. And we all are tempted to return to our old life, the smelly one which was all we've ever known. But the best news of all is that forgiveness and hope are extended to us. The Rescuer never gives up on us. He continues to call us back in order to wash us off, clean us up, and tell us that we're loved. He promises that one day, all of the other kids stuck in the sewer will see that they can get out with his help. They'll all get clean one day, and we'll all sit around his dining room table, clean and fresh, sharing a meal together. Our sewer days will be but a distant memory.



So this year, what will you do? I hope that you will take the Rescuer up on his offer.

He's here to wash us clean and call us his children. We will finally have a place to call Home, and it will be in the arms of our Rescuer.

For Ethan

To my beautiful son,

In case I forget to tell you later on down the road, I love you. More than any other child I've seen in my life - I love you. When I look at you, I see my mouth - a wide smile with a full bottom lip. I see a little button nose that is the perfect combination of mine and your daddy's. I see your daddy's face shape and a mirror of his expressions in the movements of your eyebrows. And your eyes...your beautiful, dark eyes. Well, those are all yours. You see the world as a wide place to explore. My hope for you, dear one, is that when you see hurt and sadness in this world, you reach out your little pudgy hands in kindness. Whether that be in the form of a hug or the labor of your hands, may you always reach out with love first.

You are kind, smart, and funny. My greatest hope for you is that you live the life that God wants for you and that you continue to live with a kind heart, an intelligent mind, and a sense of humor.

Never forget, little one, that you are the light in my eyes and you will forever hold my heart. No matter what, I will always, ALWAYS, ALL WAYS love you.

Another year has gone by

I usually use birthdays and holidays like Christmas to become a little more introspective. You know, quiet the soul and listen to what the future has in store, etc, etc. But this year is different.

First, I swear that within 24 hours of turning 29, new wrinkles appeared on my forehead. No joke. Running both horizontally AND vertically! Both directions, people! Is there no mercy? My forehead looks like a freakin' checker board. I suppose it doesn't help that a work acquaintance guessed my age to be 5 years older than I actually am and her response to my shocked face was, "I was just guessing based on the wrinkles on your forehead." Nice. Good luck getting a Christmas card from me, pal. Basically, I've never felt my age like I am right this second.

Second, to be honest, I haven't really had the time to be introspective. It's 11:00pm right now and I'm trying to get introspective and in touch with my soul? This is too late an hour for an activity like this, especially for an old woman like me. But I think if I did have the time, I would ponder how much I've been able to accomplish in my 29 years of existance...you know, inflate my ego a little. But truthfullly, I would probably find myself a little more grateful for my husband and a little more grateful for my precious little toddler of a boy. And a little more grateful for the things that God has done in my life this year. I would think about all of these things in detail and really let my mind wander over them, seeing the backside of God's handy tapestry that is my life - if only for a moment. And it would be good.

Third. I wish I had the time. I'd use this time of reflection and quiet to think about where I want to go this year, what I want to accomplish, and realistically, what God would have me do. The first thing that comes to mind is that I need to slow down, be patient, and be present. Yikes. Those are doozies if I've ever heard. Slowing down is hard for me. I run on momentum and adreneline. I can't help it. I'm a performer and a perfectionist. Momentum is often my friend. And good grief! To be patient?! I mean, I work with high school students all day so you'd think my patience tank would be a little bigger than it actually is. So not true. Most of the time, I get impatient with the people that I love the most - my husband, my child, my family. Doesn't that just suck? It's definitely something that needs work. I really hate praying for patience because it changes my life in the MOST uncomfortable ways.

To be present. Also a tough one. How many times do I wish I could put my iphone down or stop thinking about work when I'm pushing my son on the swing at a park? Or worse...thinking about work at 3am? I mean, come on...that's valuable sleeping time. I think what this year needs is a good deal of peace. My life feels chaotic most of the time, and I can't seem to control the vehicle as it careens towards death - or worse, failure. Peace. Patience. Presence. Maybe that will be my new mantra of the year.

Peace, patience, and presence to you, my friends! I hope you all find a moment of introspection, regardless of how brief it may be.

That's Entertainment

Our school musical, "Little Shop of Horrors", opens tonight! I'm very excited to say that this is the first year that I've been able to really invest my time into a show. The first few years at this school, I participated in coaching the students, but it wasn't really like I ran the vocal rehearsals. And then there was last year where I was 9 months pregnant so we had to front load all of the vocal rehearsals. If it made things any better, the dance teacher was also super pregnant, so dance rehearsals were also front-loaded. Anyway, I can't wait to see tonight's show! We run through this weekend and then I'm taking 45 high school students on tour to Southern California. Yes, the month of February might kill me.

In all honesty, I'm exhausted. So ready for this to be done. Can I just stay in bed for like a whole day? Just a day! And watch crappy TV and sip hot coco from a giant mug. That's really what I want to do. But it's all worth it in the end I guess...seeing the kids bring their skills to the stage and see the audience laugh at all the right places and cry at all the right places. It's just so satisfying to know that I played a part in a production - in an expression of art.

So I guess the hot coco and crappy TV will have to wait until March! Until then, friends, I'll see you on the other side of Valentine's day!

What a week.

It's been quite a busy and intense week...make that month. Ethan's 1st birthday, dinner guests, my mom's birthday, more dinner guests, grades due, musical rehearsal (we open next week!), school board meeting, meetings and more meetings, grades are due, papers need grading, finals need grading, rehearsal, husband's birthday, more rehearsal...

The list of things to do, of life, keeps growing. I can't seem to get things right, and lately, I've been feeling like I'm just not enough. Then that little negative voice starts shouting, "You suck. You suck! You are currently sucking at life right now! Be better! Be more! Do more! Why can't you get this right?!" And then I start believing the shouting voice and start wondering, "Why do I suck so much? Why can't I get it right? Why am I not enough?"

It's hard to remind myself that it's lies. It's all lies. I'm not sucking at life. I'm trying my hardest with what I have. I might not be enough in this moment, but at least I showed up. I think that's what I have to keep doing. Just showing up. Because if you think about it, showing up means that we're fighting for something. We're hanging on to that little bit of hope that we will be enough, that we'll make something good. And sometimes, something good happens and we're glad we had ever hoped in the first place.

So here's to More Hope and Less Sucking! We can do this - because as my dear friend (well, friend in the blogging world), Glennon Melton, says: WE CAN DO HARD THINGS! I like to tweak that beautiful and hopeful saying a little and make it: WE WERE MADE TO DO HARD THINGS! I think it makes it clearer that not only can we do life when it gets rough, but we were made for these moments and for so much more.

Love to all who read...which is like two of you. But all my love just the same!
- D

A Thrill of Hope - the Weary World Rejoices

This year is my son's first Christmas. This year is also a last Christmas for many. In light of the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, Christmas is feeling a little dismal this year. For where is the light in all this darkness? Where is the hope and joy in all of this gloom. The anticipation that usually comes with this shiny season is tainted with the bitterness of loss.

I can't help but think of the presents for your little ones that will go unopened this year. Presents that were undoubtedly picked out with love and care and wrapped in boxes with ribbons. The anticipation of watching your baby's face as the wrapping was torn off will go unknown for this year.

I don't really have any words for the families who lost so much this year. I just have this gnawing ache in the very core of my being that stings with fear and trembling and sorrow. My heart goes out to you, dear ones. That's really all I can manage. It's not much, but the ache steals so many things that could be said.



For those of us who get to celebrate with our children this year, whether it be our first Christmas together or our 98th, let's just hold one another. Let's just lean into the tension together so we can heal together.

A friend of mine said it well. He is a very smart friend. And he remains hopeful.

Whether the problem at hand is guns, mental illness, school security, media coverage or our 'culture of violence', I'm going to say what may be an unpopular thing:

There is not a world in which atrocities don't happen. To imagine that any civilization or society is more advanced than its least desirable members is to blindly deny that evil exists, that you can't outlaw it, and that our humanity is broken and messy. You can take away all the weapons, try to lock up all the crazies, shut down the news media and have schools behind razor wire: nothing we do can prevent the unthinkable from happening. We cannot protect our children any more than we can predict car accidents or tornadoes.

This may sound heartless - but in fact I believe there is great liberty in it. If the world weren't dangerous, where would be the risk (and reward) in getting out of bed every morning? If we are motivated by fear of the unknown (always a running away from something) , instead of radical love in the face of impending (and inevitable) destruction (running towards something GREATER than the thing we fear), we will never achieve greatness, never transcend our weakest members, never teach our children that life is big, and in order to live we must put our fears to death.

I mourn for the deaths at Sandy Hook, even the death of the killer. I am all for searching conversation about how to prevent whatever ills we are able. But we must acknowledge that evil exists, laws are only a society's best guess at what works to ameliorate it, and I would rather have the freedom to live or die in a broken world, in an effort to love well and triumph, than live in perpetual fear of things I can't possibly predict or prevent.

And I will teach my children the same, so that they may grow up to be fearless and desperately loving in spite of all our brokenness.

I hope that this season, we can learn to love well. It's what Jesus did - loving well in the midst of fear and darkness. God saw us and in our pain and suffering, He saw something worth loving.


O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,
It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
'Til He appear'd and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born;
O night divine, O night, O night Divine.


Truly He taught us to love one another;
His law is love and His gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;
And in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,
Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,
His power and glory evermore proclaim.
His power and glory evermore proclaim.


Much love this Christmas,
Me

Tidings of Comfort and Joy

As musicians, Husband and I are used to being super busy this time of year. We hold our breath and wish each other luck and know that we'll see each other on the other side...in January. But I've never had a year so jam packed. Enter Baby. Yeah, that seems like a good idea - let's throw a baby into that madness and see what happens! Oh wow! They go crazy!

Anyway, as I look at my calendar this year, I begin to panic. But these fitting words came to mind:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen
Let nothing you dismay
Remember, Christ, our Saviour
Was born on Christmas day
To save us all from Satan's power
When we were gone astray
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy
O tidings of comfort and joy

I've been reminded by the Holy Spirit that this season is not about getting to all the gigs on time or having all my Christmas cards out or shopping done...or heck, even dinner on the table. It's about not letting it all get in the way of remembering that we were found when we were lost. We were saved when we had no hope. "Let nothing you dismay...O tidings of comfort and joy!"

Whatever you face this season, let's remember that we now have hope, comfort, and joy in Christ, Who came in the form of a human baby to rescue us from darkness. What comfort! What joy!